Some mixed feelings and new bank accounts

Spending Report
Sunday
-46.72- Groceries-Food Lion
-22.52-Prescription
44.51-Sallie Mae payment
44.00-Polish life insurance

Monday
8.50-Stamps
6.75 Chipotle Chicken burrito


I've been feeling apathetic all day. I guess it didn't help that I woke up late- 7:23 this morning but I was able to shower, get dressed, make my french vanilla coffee, throw on some makeup, and make my lunch and leave my apartment by 7:48 and pull into work at 8:00 am exactly. I even ran out of my car and dropped the mail into the complex's mailbox. Thank God I only live about 5 miles from work.

Work went fine today but kind of slow and the pounding headache that I had all day didn't help. I was really starting to feel down on myself. I have a college degree, an honors paralegal certificate and I'm earning 9 dollars an hour. It feels embarrassing to me. I am so grateful for this job-I am, but I get a little jealous when I see that a lot of my friends are teachers. I mean 40-50,000? That is a lot of money no matter any argument a person might say about teachers not making enough. You want to see teachers not making any money-try working for a private catholic school. Sorry...done with the rant. My mom works for a private school and makes almost nothing as a teacher's aid and head of the school's daycare program. But...I digress.

I honestly hope if they decide to hire me after the temp period ends that I will get at least somewhat of an increase. Even 10 an hour would be better than 9. Anyway, for some reason the attorney and the loan processor both asked me if I was bored today and if I was enjoying working there. Now, trust me, I am an extremely good worker-if I am to toot my own horn, and I never have an attitude or act bored. I'm always smiling at work. I think that they knew that it just seemed like a slow day today. However, them saying that made me start questioning things. Am I happy there? Yes. Is this really what I wanted to do with my life? No, not really. Do I still want to work there if I get officially hired and get a pay increase. Yes.

I guess that I just want to be used to my full potential. I don't want to feel like I wasted my education when I worked so incredibly hard for it. Hopefully I will be given some more responsibility as time goes on.

Ok well let's continue with my day. The rest of the day went well minus the pounding pulsing headache and my stomach killing me. I had gone to the gym on Saturday and attempted some situps and goodness were my abs sore like cringing in pain sore. I left work around 4:15 in order to get a new bank account at a local bank. The firm uses this bank for its accounts so I felt secure going there. I definitely got hooked up with the deluxe package by using the attorney as a referral. That was nice. The only thing that I'm worried about is that they deposited over 400 dollars into my new checking account and only 100 is showing up online when I looked tonight. Maybe the checks are pending? If it isn't resolved tomorrow then the bank is getting a call. I'm not about to lose over a weeks worth of pay. Wow..how sad is that...after taxes right now I'm only making 306 a week. This will have to change or I will maybe have to move on. I hope it doesn't come to that though since I do enjoy working there.

I went home from the bank and my pounding headache came with it. I took some aspirin and then I took a two hour nap on the couch. I woke up around 7 and forced myself to get up and buy stamps for the bills that have to go out tomorrow. On my way to the grocery store I decided to buy Chipotle for dinner...even though I had plenty of food at home. Like I said, I guess I was feeling kind of blah. I got my chipotle and as I was pulling up to our apartment my fiance called.
I'm happy to hear from him but it is kind of mixed feelings. It's really hard to explain. I mean for one thing we have never had one phone conversation where he doesn't abruptly hang up on me because he has another call. It's understandable since it is his work phone but it gets a little frustrating sometimes. I'm not trying to sound whiny though. Also, I feel like this month has given me a lot of independence and it is going to be weird not making all the decisions anymore. It won't be hard to get back to how things are but it just seems a little odd. Finally, when I've talked to him he seems to get kind of short and defensive which isn't like him at all. Maybe he is so used to ordering people around for an entire month. I don't know. I'm definitely not questioning our relationship lol and there isn't anything that I'm really worried about. He mentioned that we should start getting things ready for our legal marriage when he comes home. We are going to get married at the courthouse for paperwork reasons (POA and so that I can be contacted first if god forbid something happens to him on deployment). After deployment we will get married what I consider officially in the church. I think that he is just tired, frustrated, and wants to come home. Funny-that's all that I really want-for him to come. Four more days and things will go back to normal. Fingers crossed.