Last night I thought about the fact that S. (fiance) will be coming home in about eight days. Then my thoughts turned a little R rated (blushes) and I thought it would be nice to get a sexy little number as a surprise for him and something fun for me. Let's face it lingerie is fun! Now, shopping for lingerie is no easy feat for me. Nothing ever fits! It's always too big on me! Ok...I'll admit it I'm pretty underweight for my height...about 30 pounds underweight...but you know what..whatever. I suffered from an eating disorder from 6th grade until the end of my junior year of college-which is when I started dating S. When I tell my friends that he changed my life it is in more ways then they can imagine. I think that because I starved myself for so many years it had a negative effect on my body..ya think? I'm not trying to make light of eating disorders. It's just once you've gotten through one you need to accept it which has taken some time, and move on and live your life.
Well I'm digressing. The point is lingerie is usually too big on me. My cup size is slightly below average-I'm a 32B. I guess that I'm extremely lucky after hurting my body for 10 years. I go to Victoria's Secret and try on stuff and usually nothing fits. Now, Fredericks of Hollywood is different. Somehow I'm always able to find something that fits me. Now granted it might not be something that I am completely in love with but it still makes me feel good about myself (Now that I need lingerie to make myself feel good-wow this post if full of disclaimers). I know that they don't have a Frederick's of Hollywood anywhere near where I live so I decided to try the online website.
I'm browsing and browsing and I decide to go with a reasonably priced outfit...and then the sales tax hits and the shipping and handling. 63 dollars I think to myself-I get paid every week I have money and it's only 63 dollars....charged to my credit card...that I'm working my darndest to pay off...but I haven't seen him in a month...yeah you know where this thought process is going. Then I started thinking about delivery. I work 8-5 and yes it's a gated apartment complex but what if its left in front of my d0or and I probably won't be home..and what if some dishonest person takes it...but people get stuff delivered all the time and they seem to get their stuff...
As you can tell I was a little conflicted. I started thinking about how people wait three days before purchasing something so that they can think on it. I didn't even need three days. I pulled up the discover card website-stared my balance straight in the face-added on what I would be paying for the lingerie, and then I promptly clicked out of the Fredericks of Hollywood website.
I don't know what I was thinking. When I just moved to NC and didn't have a job I would dream about the day when I would bring home a paycheck-any paycheck and pay off my credit card. Now I have a job and that goes out the window? I don't think so! It's time to get serious-save money and pay off this debt. I'm proud of myself for being strong. I need to get out of the I DESERVE THIS mindset.
Well if you are still reading...thanks! Sorry if some of the stuff in this post was a touchy subject but it was my life for a decade and I'm not going to make any excuses or be embarrassed about what I went through. I survived and I'm happy and healthy now. That's all that matters to me.
Hey hun, thanks for sharing! I'm sure tons of us gals think the same way and I feel so much better when I click out of those sites when I'm on the last checkout page.
ReplyDeleteI am very happy that you came out of your eating disorder and that your fiance helped you through it. My best friend had an eating disorder all throughout high school and I feel like I didn't do enough to help her, maybe because she was so private about it. It's a really traumatic and sad experience for a young girl to go through.
Hope all is well and keep up the good work on saving :)