I feel so torn...Part 1

Hello fellow readers (all two of you) :)!

Greetings to LBC Teacher thank you for your nice comments! I'm definitely a fan of your blog. I wish I was as good with updating as everyone else. Sorry, I've kind of been lazy and not really inspired to write lately. Ok, well first I'll post the spending that I have done lately from what I can recall even though it will be guesstimates since the receipts are in my purse downstairs and I'm too cozy in my bed to get up and get them...at 3 p.m. on a Friday. Have I mentioned that I only go to school two days a week and Wednesday was closed for the Snowpocalypse that we had here in Chicago? Moving on, next I will do my best to explain why "I feel so torn" as mentioned in the title of this post.

Spending Report January 24-Feb 4
Monday-no spend
Tuesday- Starbucks- 2.32 (giftcard) and 2 notebooks-5 dollars
Wednesday-Starbucks-2.32 (giftcard)
Thursday-Saturday-no spend
Sunday-heavy cream-4.50-which we didn't even use to make our delicious chocolate coffee cupcakes with bailey's frosting-omg! It was heaven! We took the rest of the Bailey's frosting and just dipped strawberries into it. Yum!
Monday-no spend
Tuesday-coffee 2.32 and Walgreens-8.50
Wednesday-present-no spend

I'm the most upset with Tuesday's spending because my spending was on candy and junk food at Walgreens. It was completely unnecessary and a waste of my money. Oh well. I don't plan on spending money for the rest of the week but I do need to order my fiance's Valentine's Day present this week. I need to stop procrastinating and get on that! I have absolutely no excuse not to get it done.

Ok..well here is why I am feeling so torn and I guess it started all with a phone call at 3:55 a.m yesterday. Did I mention that there is an hour time difference between Illinois and North Carolina? Also, the fiance gets up by 5 a.m. his time-----gross gross gross! As I was in the middle of typing this my dog just threw up. Poor Dudley!----Alright, so he called me at 3:55 a.m and let me tell you how happy my sister was when he called (not) because we share a room. He called to say good morning since we had talked for less than a minute the day before. Then he told me that he had a four day weekend from February 18-22 and asked me to think about flying down there.

I actually got a little upset/frustrated after I got off the phone with him for two reasons.
The main reason is that I don't have a job right now because I thought originally that I would be a lot busier with school-also I wouldn't have a way to get to the job during the day. Don't even get me started on the 1966 mustang that stays in the garage all winter or the 1986 camero that no one touches. Sigh. Anyway, I don't have a job so I'm not making any money, so no money should pretty much equal very little spending? Right? He doesn't seem to get that. I have probably at a very close guesstimate-1,000 to my name not counting some savings bonds. That 1,000 goes towards my credit card and birth control every month. I can't afford a plane ticket right now. Do you know who can though? The fiance. He is making around 3,000 a month plus another 1,000 which is meant for housing. So basically, the army pays for his housing. He also doesn't really have any expenses except for gas, food, and cable/internet. I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I am NOT the type of girl who expects for the man to pay for everything. I am extremely independent and I hate even going to my parents to ask for money. I know long distance is hard but I just don't have the money to do it right now.

The second reason I was upset is that I have been telling him nonstop that my interviews for internships will be starting soon. This is a huge deal for me. I told him over and over again that I needed to find out what would be going on with my internships. I just sent in my cover letters and resumes, and the school said that we should be expecting calls for interviews in the next couple of weeks. Ummm yeah. What am I supposed to do if I get a call for an interview and I have to tell them that I won't be able to make it since I'll be in North Carolina that day? Absolutely not. I have worked my ass off for my grades and I will not jeopardize a huge opportunity for myself (even though they aren't paid internships). Basically, you need legal experience of any type if you want to get your foot in the door and even be considered for jobs.

A third reason, look at that I guess I had more than two reasons. A third reason is that I have sacrificed a lot in this relationship. I've counted it up and although it isn't consecutively, we have spent over a year apart in the 20 months that we have been together. I'm not even making that up. And apart from the time we haven't been able to be with each other, there is also something else. I know that we would never move somewhere because I have a job opportunity. It's the army. They tell him where and when to go somewhere. If we were to move it would be because of the army. I'm not bitter and I can handle that type of lifestyle...it's just I feel like this internship is something for me-and call me selfish-but I don't want to sacrifice something when I don't have to.

Wow...this turned out to be a lot longer than I originally thought. I haven't even gotten to the actual part about why I am feeling so torn. I think that I'll make this part 1 and put part 2 up soon. OMG!!!! Just as I was typing this....I got a call for an interview!!!!! I can't believe that I already got a call! That's crazy! I just submitted my letters two days ago! Yay! That just made my day!

Ok..well I'm in a much better mood now....but part 2 will still come soon!